We have all had our share of difficult phone calls at work, especially the calls from people who are angry or distressed and are holding us responsible for their feelings. Often it doesn't matter whether we are ‘to blame' or not, the call is still difficult. So:

How do you handle difficult calls?

Let the caller talk
Once the caller has got you on the phone and started on their grievance, it is best to let it run. If things are serious it could last twenty minutes, but as far as possible let the person say what they want to say. They will not be ready to listen to you until they have said all the words they have stored up for this moment.

Note the facts
While the person is talking, take notes of the key points of fact they make, and the words they use to describe their feelings. Ignore comments about yourself or others unless they contain a fact about the situation ie: facts which are useful or completely irrelevant.

Check with the caller that you have understood
When the caller has finished what they wanted to say, ask if you can check with them that you have understood correctly. Check and clarify each point that you noted. Ask if you missed anything, or if there is anything the person would like to add. This process is very reassuring to angry or distressed callers because it clearly demonstrates that they have been listened to.

Plan your response
You may be able to think about your response while the person is talking. If you work in customer care and this is a complaint about a situation, you can plan out how to respond to the situation, and ignore the emotional context of the call.

If this is a colleague who is unhappy with you or others at work, you may not have an instant response, and you may feel that the emotional content of the call needs a response as well (very unhappy people in the office can be quite a risk). If you cannot give an immediate response, ask for some time to think. Give a time to call back and make sure you can stick to it.

Before hanging up
Thank the person for calling. Whatever you may be feeling, it is probably better that the caller expressed their views to you rather than bottle them up.

After hanging up
If you have been affected by the call, get up and do something else for a few minutes. Try to find a colleague to have a talk to about the call, or at least find someone with whom you can discuss the weather.

If it's personal
You do not have to listen to anyone who makes bullying or aggressive comments to you. Nor do you have to listen to malicious gossip about other people. If callers are behaving in an aggressive, bullying or intimidating manner you should interrupt, say that you do not wish to continue with the call, and ask them to stop. If they continue, you should hang up. This applies, even if the substance of a complaint is valid. Even if you have made a mistake, and are responsible for the situation that has triggered the call, you still do not have to listen to personal invective.

If a call has been very personal about you, make sure that you find someone to talk it over with, and if necessary discuss what has happened with the HR department.